


Thalassophobic

by stellarstarkk



Category: DreamSMP, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (it’s too late tho bruv), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Author Projecting onto TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Blood God Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Depressed TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Dream is a gaslighter, DreamSMP - Freeform, Drowning, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Enderman Hybrid Ranboo (Video Blogging RPF), Exiled TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Gaslighting, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), I need a hug, Minor Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Piglin Hybrid Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Protective Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Sad, Sad Toby Smith | Tubbo, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, mcyt - Freeform, no beta we die like wilbur, something tells me i’m using too many tommyinnit tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:01:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29151681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellarstarkk/pseuds/stellarstarkk
Summary: ‘ Even if I decided to keep going, what would be left for me? The constant reminder that everyone I love hates me? The knowledge that I was so close to freedom, then threw it all away for some pieces of plastic? ’He looked down, and he couldn’t see the sea floor.Maybe if he died fast enough he wouldn’t have time to regret his decision.(A universe where Tommy never ran away from exile.)
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 18
Kudos: 374





	1. Asphyxiation

**Author's Note:**

> !!!! WOAH WOAH WATCH OUT !!!!  
> CW: drowning, suicide, self hate, all that fun stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s left alone for a week, again. Starving, sleep deprived, suicidal.
> 
> He’s just so goddamn tired.

“Nobody cares about you out there,” Dream sneered, “Tommy, you have caused nothing but problems for everyone around you. They don’t want you back,”

Tommy stared at the ground. He knew Dream was right. Dream was always right.

Nobody loved him anymore. No one had visited him in months, accept for Dream. 

Dream was always there to make sure he hadn’t offed himself, to remind him of the truth. Dream was the only one who cared.

Yet there stood the teen, on the verge of scaring away his only friend. What a train wreck he was.

After seeing Tommy would not respond, Dream continued. “Honestly. After all I’ve done for you, you still can’t do the one thing I ask?”

He knew. He was ungrateful. 

“You think if you go back to your precious L’manburg that everyone will just forget what you’ve done? Is that it? At least here your punishment is sparing everyone else, but over there? You’d be dead meat the second you stepped onto that server.”

He nodded solemnly. Every time he thought he knew what he was doing, Dream came and taught him better. He was always there to watch his back.

And how did he repay him? Tried to run away, tried to kill himself for all the kindness he’d been shown. He was a monster. He deserved to be here, on this wretched island. He deserved to keep living, just to pay for his wrongdoings.

“What do you have to say for yourself?”

Tommy took a shaky breath. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you?”

“Yes. I never should have conspired against you, especially after everything you’ve done to help me. I’m so sorry, and I hope you can forgive me,”

Dream looked him up and down. 

After a moment of thinking, Dream spoke. 

“I can’t forgive you, Tommy. You betrayed me, you planned on running away once again, despite my express orders not to. I’m going to leave you here for a week and have you think about what you’ve done,”

Oh, God, not solitude again. Last time Tommy was put under solitude he nearly jumped off his tower. He didn’t know what he would do if that happened again-

“If you try to leave the island or die again, you’ll have to face the consequences.”

After he was finished, Dream turned to the sea, got back in his boat and rowed away. Tommy watched as he got smaller and smaller. 

He didn’t wish he could go too. He knew he wouldn’t be welcome. He was better off in exile.

Once Dream was out of sight, Tommy slumped onto the grass. He looked around his home, built back up out of craters, constantly reminding him of his past mistakes. Why did he keep betraying his only friend? Was it just a habit he had yet to grow out of?

He hoped he would grow out of it soon. He didn’t think he could deal with any more solitude.

If he didn’t have Dream, he wouldn’t have anyone. Was it so hard to just do what he asked of him? 

He sighed.

“Maybe,” He whispered to no one in particular, “Maybe being terrible is in my nature…”

  
  
  


The week went by slowly. Tommy spent most of his time staring at the ocean or lying in his tent, thinking. He barely ate or slept. He didn’t deserve such luxuries.

One day, he hunted and killed a whole chicken. He made sure to savor it. It was the biggest meal he had all week.

Some days he’d go to his writing station. He never actually wrote, but he thought about it.

_How to Sex 3_ , he thought bitterly. It was such an immature book premise. Dream hated it.

Tommy, with all the time in the world, thought long and hard. He knew he deserved this, after everything he did. He shouldn’t keep falling back into his old self. Nobody liked his old self, including him. 

Suicidal thoughts tended to pop up a lot, too. He tried to dismiss them, but they wouldn’t go away. They always wormed their way into his head, no matter how hard he tried to avoid them.

He knew they were right - everyone would be better off if he were just dead - but he had to pay. He had to keep going and deal with his punishment.

Even if his punishment would last the rest of his life no matter what.

No matter how he sliced it, he would be suffering until the day he died. When would it be enough? When would Dream decide he had paid for his crimes and let him go?

Where would he go anyways? He couldn’t go back to the mainland. He couldn’t go to Techno. If anything, he’d just be living by himself.

At least here, Dream kept him company. Made sure he didn’t go insane.

What a miserable life he lived. He absentmindedly wondered how fast they’d kill him once he stepped back into L’manburg. 

He had run across DreamXD only once, the first time he had tried to run away. He knew about the god, and that it was watching him at all times. He’d notify Dream the second he got in the boat.

The trip to L’manburg wouldn’t even be possible.

Dream would be here by the time he had put together the portal. Or by the time he got high enough to jump. 

There would only be one other way to die on this island.

  
  
  


Tommy never considered himself thalassophobic, but standing there as the waves lapped as his feet was nerve wracking beyond feasible description.

He’d been in similar situations before, mostly in the same context, but his efforts never really had any follow-through before.

There was a deep humming in his skull that was hard to ignore. 

His barren grey eyes scanned the water below him, thinking.

_Even if I decided to keep going, what would be left for me? The constant reminder that everyone I love hates me? The knowledge that I was so close to freedom, then threw it all away for some pieces of plastic?_

He had long lost his care for the discs. They had caused him more pain than anything. He hated himself, past and present, for his connection to them.

Dream can have them.

He waded his way into the ocean. It was cold. Sand had covered his feet and legs before he had the time to realize.

_Selfish._

When he was just about waist deep, he dove forward and began swimming away from the shore. He was always a strong swimmer. Maybe that would work in his favor.

_Immature._

He swam as fast as he could in one breath. Once he had breached the surface again, he was only about 20 meters away from the beach. Not far enough.

_Villain._

Under the water again. The salt stung his eyes and his skin. It wouldn’t matter. Next time he looked, he was 50 meters away.

_Abuser._

Next time he was roughly 80 meters away. He couldn’t see the bottom. Maybe that would be enough.

_Scapegoater._

But he kept swimming. He kept swimming until he couldn’t anymore, and then some. 

By the time he finally stopped, chest heaving, the island could be covered up by his thumb.

The waves were huge, stronger than he was. It was almost scary. 

He looked down, and he couldn’t see the sea floor. He could barely see anything with the water in his eyes. He couldn’t tell when the saltwater ended and his tears began. He didn’t even know when he had started crying.

Maybe if he died fast enough he wouldn’t have time to regret his decision.

Instead of thinking about it, Tommy pushed back underwater and began pushing himself down. 

Maybe this way they wouldn’t find him. They wouldn’t be able to pity him. 

This, combined with the extensive swimming he had just done, his breath was running out fast. After a few more seconds he saw the bottom.

Maybe when Dream holds his funeral, no one will show up. 

Will Dream hold his funeral?

He reached the bottom and felt his chest tightening. He grabbed onto some nearby plants to make sure he didn’t float back up.

No, Dream was Tommy’s friend. He came by every day and… and took his things. And made him hate himself.

No, no, Dream wouldn’t do that. He always taught him the right thing… and always punished him when he failed. And made him question his own sanity.

Tommy slowly let out his breath. He watched the air bubbles jiggle and bounce around on their way up, like little jellyfish. 

He closed his eyes.

Not even Dream loved him. He was never a hero, he was never admired, he was just a kid. A kid that nobody loved.

When his lungs were deflated, he just sat there for a moment. No going back now.

He took a deep breath. 

Water rushed into his lungs. His vision started going dark. He tried to cough but all that came back to him was more water. He let go of the plants and clutched his own chest as he lurched at the bottom of the ocean. He knew he was going unconscious.

As his brain shut down and his eyes wandered to the light from the surface, only one thing came to his mind.

  
  
  


_Finally, peace._


	2. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tubbo decides it’s finally time he visits Tommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to be honest, i was planning on this being a one shot, but a couple people wanted a part 2 so here it is.
> 
> TW: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE, MENTIONS OF DROWNING, DEAD BODY, SAD STUFF

Tubbo sits in his office in the New White House. Below him lays a single paper and envelope. It’s a document. He repeatedly reads over the first line.

_This document officially instates Tommy Watson’s exile from the lands of The Greater Dream SMP and L’manburg._

The paper itself is over a year old, grime on its slowly folding corners.

The President took it out when he had no work, just staring at it and trying to convince himself he made the right choice.

He did. He knows he did. The only other option was starting another war, which was exactly what he swore not to do during his inauguration speech.

This was the right choice. Even though he missed Tommy every single day. Even though his cabinet constantly reminded him of what he did.

He knew for a fact that he had done what was best for his country.

There was nothing stopping him from visiting Tommy in all the time he had been gone. Nothing but the fear that Tommy would hate him for the choice he made. And he knew that the longer he stayed away, the more likely it was that Tommy wouldn’t accept him back.

He missed Tommy more than anything in the world. It was war or this. But… there was no reason he couldn’t have visited. Out of an entire year, there ought to have been at least one day he had to spare for his best friend.

Tubbo sighed and stood from his desk, tucking the document back into its drawer. He had time now. It was better that he visited him now before Tommy died of natural causes, rather than wait and be only a bitter memory.

He went around L’manburg, gathering his cabinet. He figured it would be better for all of them to see him while they still had the chance. He also made sure to invite Ranboo, seeing as him and Tommy were so close during the beginning of his exile.

It took some time to get everyone gathered, maybe an hour or two. Luckily it was a rather slow day so nobody had too much work that they would miss out on.

Once they were all together, Tubbo messaged Dream to meet them at the L’manburg docks.

He did, and was confused to see everyone just stood there.

“Hello?” Tubbo said once he heard the chime that indicated Dream joining their voice channel.

“Hello, Tubbo. Eh… what’s going on?” The masked man gestured to the entire government (+ Ranboo).

“Well, we would like you to take us to see Tommy,”

Dream’s expression hardened. “Why?”

“Why not?” 

“No no no, I’m asking why _now?_ Tubbo, it’s been over a year and you haven’t visited him once,” Dream said as if he didn’t already know that, “Quite frankly, it’s a little jarring,”

“The reason is that we want to see him. Are you going to take us to him or not?”

Dream eyed the large group for a moment before shrugging. “Yeah, sure, whatever.” He placed down 8 boats and got in the one in front. “I have to warn you though, the journey will take a couple days,”

They all murmured amongst themselves before agreeing that they still wanted to go. 

Dream nodded. “Hop in, then,”

They slowly shuffled into the boats, Tubbo with Ranboo, Karl with Quackity, and Niki with Fundy. Dream rowed away from the mainland, going slow enough for them to all follow but still fast enough to make it there in less than 2 days. They all fell into a sort of boat snake, with Dream in the front and Quackity and Karl in the back.

The trip did, in fact, take just about 2 days.

Dream stepped out of his boat and into dry land first, calling Tommy from wherever he might be - usually his tent. “Tommy! You have visitors!”

As they touch down onto the sand, Tubbo observed his surroundings. There were craters with buildings built out of them, kind of like New L’manburg. 

He noticed Dream sprint from Tommy’s tent to what looked like a small campsite on stilts, muttering under his breath.

Tubbo glanced up to Ranboo, who also seemed slightly on edge. Something was wrong.

Dream emerged from the campsite with large strides, only stopping when he reached the L’manburgians.

“Tommy must have run away again, you guys stay here while I go look for him,”

“Wait wait wait- again? This has happened before?” Ranboo asked.

“Oh, yeah, many times, but usually DreamXD notifies me when he does. Don’t move until I’m back,” He turned and pulled out an ender pearl, chucking it further into the island and disappearing after a few seconds.

Everyone exchanged worried glances. This can’t be good.

“Alright, I think we should split up and look for him around here, just in case he comes back or hasn’t left,” Tubbo raised his voice so the whole group could hear him. He had been practicing his _Presidential Voice™_ recently and he hoped it was working.

Everyone murmured and nodded, splitting off to look around the area. Tubbo went into a part of the forest, racking his brain for the name of this place. He had heard it from Ghostbur before, but it had been so long since he was told and he couldn’t remember. 

He let his mind wander a bit, thinking that if they found Tommy, what would they talk about? Would he even want to talk to them? How-

He heard a blood curdling scream that tore him out of his thoughts and he whipped around. It came from the beach.

He sprinted out of the woods and down towards the shore. He saw others doing the same.

After a split second of his mind racing, thinking of possibilities of what might have happened, he spotted Fundy on his knees just a few meters away from the water. People were beginning to gather around him to see what had happened. 

He eventually made it over, but couldn’t quite see at first. He heard someone vomiting from farther off. What the hell was happening—?

He didn’t have to wonder any longer once he finally caught sight of something in the water. It was a corpse. It… 

**_It was Tommy’s corpse._ **

It was decomposing already, he must have been dead for days. Tubbo tasted bile rising from his throat.

Maybe more people screamed. Maybe he screamed. He couldn’t tell you if he wanted to.

He felt his knees hit the ground. Was he shaking? It didn’t matter. Tommy was dead. Tears streaked down Tubbo’s face and he heard himself sob. He could have stopped by, just once, to check up on him, to make sure he hadn’t doomed his best friend. But he didn’t.

Why? Because he was afraid? He was too prideful to realize what he had done until it was too late?

His ego wasn’t worth this price.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up, and there stood Ranboo, shaking and crying.

“Tommy would want to be buried in L’manburg.” Said the hybrid. Tubbo nodded and slowly got to his feet, grabbing onto whoever was closest for support.

He didn’t know how long it took for everyone to get up, but it was a long time. They eventually started making their way back to the boats, Tommy’s body cradled gently in Quackity’s arms.

It would be sweet if one of them weren’t dead.

Fundy took out a piece of paper and asked around for a pen. Karl handed him one.

The fox furiously wrote on the paper, accidentally poking some holes in it with the tip of the pen.

He slammed it down on a nearby stump and stormed to his boat.

Tubbo peeked at what he wrote.

_fuck you dream,_ It said in crude handwriting, _we’re going back to l’manburg and we’re taking tommy with us._

After everyone reads it, they climb back into their little rowboats and begin heading back.

  
  
  
  


Dream, now with Technoblade at his side, storms out of the tree line. They have their tridents in hand, ready to look for the lost boy. But Techno spots something out of the corner of his eye.

He plucks a piece of paper off of an oak tree stump and reads it incredulously.

“Dream, you’re going to want to see this,”

At the sound of his name, the masked man bounded over. After being handed the note and reading it twice, he stabbed his trident into the dirt.

“Fuck, I should have known that that little bastard would try to stow Tommy away, Goddamnit. Alright Techno, let’s go find them before they reach dry land,” He said, yanking his weapon out and heading to the water, throwing it and flying away.

Techno seemed satisfied with his response and followed, pocketing the note.

  
  
  
  


The L’manburgians were only an hour or two into their trip back before they heard the familiar sound of a trident being tossed. Dream had caught up.

He landed in the water with a huge splash, spraying Tubbo and Ranboo in the front. Ranboo hissed as the water touched his skin.

Dream placed a boat to stand on. Everyone froze when there was a second splash and a blur of pink. Techno’s head popped out of the water and he clambered onto the boat to stand next to Dream.

Nobody breathed.

Dream’s posture straightened and Techno’s eyes narrowed, scanning the people in front of him.

“I’ll give you one chance,” Dream said with a tilted head, “Give me Tommy, now, or I’ll kill all of you.”

A few people gasp, though, Tubbo can’t identify any of them.

When nobody moved or spoke, Tubbo thought it would be a good idea to tell him. If he didn’t, it would be all of their asses on the line.

“Dream, you don’t understand-“

“I understand _fine,_ Mr President. You thought you could smuggle Tommy back to L’manburg and just get away with it. Well, you can’t,” The man reached forward towards Quackity, and Karl immediately pulled out his sword.

(In the back of Tubbo’s mind, it registers how Techno quietly gasps and takes a step back.)

“So that’s how it is, huh?” Dream sighed. “Well, I was hoping to do this peacefully, but-“

“No you weren’t, you green bitch.” Niki growled.

Dream slightly raised an eyebrow. “Ok, you got me,” He pulled out Nightmare and pointed it at Karl’s chest. “Hand over the boy, Jacobs.”

“Over my dead body,” Karl said, his face reddening.

Dream shrugged. “Have it your way,”

He raised his sword menacingly, preparing to strike. Tubbo really thought this would be a good day. Guess he was wrong.

But before Dream could swipe at Karl, suddenly he’s yelping in confusion and in the water.

“Step away, Dream.” Said a voice. It was monotone, cold, _furious._ The man who the voice belonged to stood over Dream with rage in his eyes.

“Techno, what the hell? We just-“

_“We_ didn’t agree on anything, Dream. You don’t even realize what you’ve done, do you?” 

And suddenly it clicked for Tubbo. Techno was always an incredibly observant person, he could read someone from a single passing glance. Techno got one good look at Tommy and immediately knew what had happened.

“Techno, what are you talking about??” Dream attempted getting back on the boat, but Techno stepped on his hands every time he even touched it. “I’m just enforcing Tommy’s exile,”

Techno sighed, and the raging fire in his eyes died down a bit. He approached Quackity and offered out his hands. He seems to understand and handed over Tommy’s body.

Techno, as if he were carrying a hollow glass statue, held Tommy in his arms and placed him down gently in the boat he was standing on.

“Techno, what are you doing? We have to take Tommy back to the island,”

With his back still to him, he asked him a question. “Dream who was the last person to come in contact with Tommyinnit and how long ago was it?”

“... The last person who saw him was you when he robbed your house.”

“So you’re the only person Tommy saw in the last 8 months?”

“Yeah, where is this going?”

There was a long moment of silence.

**“Dream, I’m going to give you one minute to run for your life.”**

Dream’s eyes widened in confusion. “What?” 

Niki helpfully started counting down from 60.

Technoblade turned back around to face the man. His eyes were pure black. This wasn’t English major Techno anymore. This was Blood God Techno.

“Techno I mean this kindly but what the fuck? We have to put Tommy back in exile-“

**_“THERE IS NO TOMMY TO PUT BACK IN EXILE!”_ **Techno screamed. **_“YOU KILLED HIM!”_**

Now with the fear of a literal god in him, Dream looked around frantically. “What are you talking about he’s right…”

His voice trailed off, realization and horror dawning upon his face.

“You know,” Tubbo said, deadpanned, “For someone with such a high IQ, you are extremely oblivious.”

Niki is down to 45.

Dream looked between Tommy and Techno for a few seconds before pulling his trident back out and flying away.

Technoblade, surprisingly, waited the whole 40 seconds. Tubbo wished he didn’t. There was unbridled fury radiating from the pig and it thickened the air with tension.

Niki reached 0. 

Technoblade leapt and dove elegantly into the water, disappearing with the current in seconds.

The rest of the boat ride home was silent.

  
  
  
  


After two long, _long_ days of sitting in a boat, on the verge of tears in every waking moment, they finally reached the docks of L’manburg. 

As they walked on the wooden path, the country was silent. No laughing children, no love-sick couples, nothing. Tubbo was grateful for the peace.

He made a turn towards the New White House. He didn’t know what he was going to do once they got there, but it was better than leaving Tommy on the ground somewhere.

He spotted Sapnap up ahead. Oh, God, this day just had to get worse, huh?

He walked up to the group, looking at them all worriedly. “Why do you guys all look so sad? What’s wrong?”

All they could do was give him a somber look. Nobody had the will to speak up.

Sapnap scans the crowd for clues as to what happened, and Tubbo could see the moment he noticed. His expression dropped.

He pushed through everyone to get to Quackity. “Hey, Alex, do you want me to carry him…?” He whispered, almost too quiet to hear. Quackity shook his head slowly.

“No, it’s okay. I can do it.”

After a moment, everyone continued moving, heading to Tubbo’s office. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Karl crying over Sapnap’s shoulder.

He reluctantly opened the doors to the White House and everyone shuffled in. They get out a tarp and lay Tommy on it while they think of a place to bury him.

“Hey, Ranboo?” Said Fundy.

The boy in question hummed in response.

“Why were you so… _calm_ when you saw Tommy?”

His eyebrows furrowed and he looked at the spruce floor.

“I used to see him quite a bit, we even sent each other mail for a while, but… then Dream cut off his visitors, and I’m pretty sure he was stealing our messages. Even when people would come and hang out with him, his mental health was deteriorating. Whatever Dream was doing to him, it was working pretty dang fast. I’m still devastated, just not exactly… surprised,”

  
  
  
  


A week later, they held a funeral. He was buried under the L’mantree. 

Pretty much everybody was there. Ranboo, Fundy, revived Wilbur, Tubbo, Karl, Quackity, Sapnap, Niki, Sam, Puffy, Jack, Eret - even Phil and Techno went, though they stuck to the very back.

It was a sweet funeral. People talked about their favorite memories with Tommy, some things they wished they could tell him, how much they missed him.

He was buried with the disc he gave to Tubbo all that time ago.

  
  
  
  


Dream was now public enemy #1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow :D i actually have no idea how to remove the note below this one!
> 
> sorry!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> If this made you uncomfortable in any way, I don’t care! You should have read the tags and content warnings at the beginning! This is my coping mechanism!


End file.
